I would like to share from “Notes from a crazy soul” on Facebook:
“There comes a time in life, when you walk away from it all, the drama and people who create it. Surround yourself with people who make you laugh, forget the bad, and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right. Pray for he one’s who don’t. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is part of life. Getting back up again is living.”
With that quote in mind, I realize how much I fail to succeed in living a life of wisdom. Instead, I am tested with tragedies that fly by with the speed of a tennis ball I cannot see, but only hear the Hisssssss of it speeding across my face, just missing me, barely. The impact would be damaging, somehow fortunately it misses me, but the effect is the same. This pattern has followed me throughout my life. It began with my parents who created their own domestic tragedy of a marriage and imposed it on their children. It left us, their children, stuck in the place where they failed, unable to go back or unable to move forward. The accuracy of this pattern in my life is stunning. In every relationship, all I have to do is sit back, smile, and wait for it to happen.
One day in 2002, I had the opportunity to buy a young male borzoi. He was very sweet and beautiful, and I embraced him to my heart. I felt a love I never thought I knew. He was followed by several others, including two bitches, and we bred a litter and kept a male. After a short while, I realize I had been changed by this experience and felt protected for the first time in my life. Love had found me at last and changed me forever. When one of those first borzoi died suddenly, in 2008, I became very ill. I had never grieved like that before. In 2019, my last borzoi passed away. I told myself I was fine and was doing well. A myth. A year later I was diagnosed with anorexia and bipolar depression and had to make serious choices regarding my treatment. In addition, between 2013 and 2020, I had cancer twice, each one requiring surgery. My parents’ legacy was still alive and well. They won after all.
Unexpectedly, I met a magical and new man in 2020 who swore his undying love for me after finding me and my dog pictures on Facebook. He told me I could trust him. I was his everything, especially, his future. One evening, a simple conversation turned suddenly aggressive and he left me. It took about one minute and he was gone. Although I begged him to return, and he did, he created another dramatic scene few months later, leaving me alone again. I felt like a fool for trusting him, but he put on a great show of a man in love and I believed it, even in the face of many contradictions.
It is experiences like this that I must be wary of, and not just me, but everyone. I don’t care if you are a man, since I am sure there are insincere, manipulative, ingenuine women in the world, as well. But I have accrued such a long list of men covering the last ten years of my life that I have been a widow trying to exploit me, men who had no love in their hearts for me whatsoever, that I wonder if I should end this quest once and for all. They all had nothing to offer beyond smoke and mirrors, and when they grow tired of their game, they create a scene and leave. I know I have many true friend and it is to them that I must turn. I have Kensie, my new Silken Windhound, by my side, to replace my former borzoi, and she makes me smile. Life is hard but there are little things that make it sweet, and downy pillows on which to rest my head and dream.