It has been nearly two months that Tresor was returned to us from his former home in W——-. Surprisingly, he was returned to us by owners whom we believed would give him his forever home. Although I will never really know the reasons why, I have some speculations. Still, I can only wonder what Tresor really thinks and feels about all of this. Overall, he acts like a happy borzoi in every way. He loves to do all the things dogs love to do, such as eating, going out for walks, meeting new friends, and so forth. However, there is one thing that makes him different. He is the lost champion of the one Blyss Kennels litter, “Mikhailya’s” son, who was given to my husband and me to keep by N5, and only three points away from his title when my husband died suddenly and I needed to place him.
He was returned to us in amazingly good condition for a dog who lived as a pet, even intact, so we will be trying once again to earn those elusive three points. Better still, I live in a house and have a partner all suited to having him here, to live out his days in happiness. Our dear friend and mentor, N6, will handle him in the ring. Although Tresor is not returning to the original beautiful “Blyss House” of his puppy days, I have a beautiful home to offer him nonetheless. These are all great benefits to bestow on this vagabond borzoi.
Still, I long for the days of walking in the door and seeing three, four, or five angelic borzoi heads looking up at me in those special, loving expressions that only they can express. I was surrounded by them, and I spoke lovingly to each one in their own special words that only they understood. Here, I have two now, and I know I should be grateful for that. Six months ago, I had none. But I have been through much and lost more. I no longer feel human but more ethereal myself, half ghost, half human. I wonder and dare to hope that my two Perfections will humanize me again and make me believe everything is alright in my world. I have more days of joy, but in an instant’s mishap, I am plunged again downward, all the way so much so that I no longer recognize myself. It can be a harsh word from someone dear, or getting lost and missing a meeting, or news about my brother, or in the past, something my mother did that caused me pain. My borzoi and my kennel that supported them closed out the worlds where I no longer dwelled or fit in.
When one by one I realized my friends were not my friends, I gave them up without remorse. After all, I had my borzoi to love. When I believed with finality my mother’s hatred of me was absolute, again, I had my borzoi to love me. When my marriage disappointed me, I had Opal until…… well, that did not work out quite as planned. But in time, even I healed and the marriage endured, only to be robbed of my husband a few years later when he was stricken with a lethal cancer. But I know I loved my husband by the end of his life for all he gave to me and for his courage and strength. And miraculously, I even earned my bitter mother’s all-too-late love before she died, as she wondered out loud how wrong she was for treating my sister and me so badly, but she did not know what she was doing.
My life has been a canvas of swirling designs of varying colors, each color being another person. None of my relationships has been “straight”, or going in a straightforward direction. Many of the colors or patterns come abruptly to an end. They were always circuitous, or in wavy designs, going here and there, all over the place. There were no patterns of simplicity. To look at it was dizzying, was nauseating. And so, I decided after my mother’s death last year to find another borzoi. It was my darling “Jelly” from N26, and she has come here to live at Blyss. Then, in early July Tresor came home to me bringing me endless joy.
I can still go down and break but there is so much more to get up again for, to do. Not to get up again is not an option for me anymore. I have two borzoi now that need to be fed, walked, brushed, and all that. They are what matters most. Then comes everything else. No one is complaining. I am not letting anyone down. I am mine and my borzoi. With the return of Tresor, that is the whole of it.