One year has passed since I had to let Opal go. She was my best dog. but she soon sickened and died. She was but a puppy born with a congenital defect, renal dysplasia. The love was in vain. I don’t know why it had to happen. Today, I don’t understand why or how I am still here. I lost much by losing Opal. Opal meant the world to me. I tried to go to her many times, many ways, but I failed. I still wish I could die.
What do you say when you know you have lost everything when you lose one thing too many? What is the point then, of going on? What is the point of eating food, or drinking drink, of working at work, or even living a life? Perhaps I am too young to feel this way, but I feel that I have lost so much of many other precious things, and losing Opal was too much, in too short a time.
Those people who have robbed me of so much know very well who they are. How the blood drips from their hands! I can still hear them laughing, laughing, laughing incessantly. Their jokes are not funny to me, only to themselves. Still their blood drips for all to see. I know them and they know me, and I know they have no shame.
I would gladly have traded places with Opal that day as she lied on the floor, as the drug entered her veins that would kill her. She would have had another chance at Life, for Hers was worth far more than mine! She would have earned Her Champion Dog title. She would have been breed, She was a Majenkir bitch,after all, and She would have whelped Her litter of Champion get! She would have had a place in the Majenkir line, and her name would appear in pedigrees. She would have been my “Foundation Bitch”, after all, even though She was not as good as “Miss Majenkir Mikhailya”! Not in the whelping box! How my fantasies and dreams go on so….
Opal is only ashes now, ashes in a memorial box on a marble table-top. Nothing I feel or wish makes any difference so there is no point in having wishes or feelings. Wishes will not bring Her back, and my feelings stand for less. I have honored and memorialized Opal with my entire being and honors can’t bring Her back. I have cried myself sick and my tears don’t bring Her back. I have sickened myself into depression and depression can’t bring her back. I have starved myself and starvation can’t bring her back, and I have grieved and grief can’t bring her back. She is gone. I must move on. To where shall I go, and why? If only I knew, if only I could.
Gone by not forgotten Angels weep for thee
Opal waits in Constant vigil at the gate for me!
May we meet again, Dearest Little One!
I will always remember Opal.
July 7, 2007