Undoubtedly, there has been much to be happy about at Blyss Kennels. Tresor and Jelly are both well, even if I am taking Tresor to the veterinarian’s office tomorrow about an abscess on his gum. I am not going to let them make me worry tonight. We had an unseasonably warm steak of weather for February, with temperatures in the 60s and mid-70s. So yes, all this is good news. And recently, the beautiful international champion bitch, “Lucy”, the grand-daughter of our Majenkir bitch, “Mikhailya”, won Best in Breed and placed in the Hound Group two years in a row at the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show in New York City on February 14, 2017. My son, Graham, and I were both there in attendance on Tuesday night to see the final judging. Last year, “Lucy” went all the way and was awarded Reserve Best in Show. My heart stopped. It was one of those rare times when I thought of my late husband, and hoped somehow or somewhere, he was watching that joyful moment.
So why did I break down in private so badly? How could something so banal make me so ill? What, or shall I say who was behind it, if anybody? Who holds so much power over me, yet did? Even I was shocked at the slope of the trajectory and the speed at which I slid downwards on it once it got in my way. But it did. And for those who want to read about the dirt, so bad that not even borzoi love could protect me from, here it is.
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Dumped. In retrospect I probably never had a chance. Your way…. a cad’s way……. I cannot recall a cross word….. and when I believed in us most of all you dissipated in silence.
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There are the darkest nights that envelop me through the longest days to eternity……… and leaving me feeling so defeated I embrace the darkness until it becomes comfort.
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I seek the special forest high in the mountain in the sun Where a wild hawk can soar so high above the tops of the trees as if by magic then is out of sight. Or, slivers of light in the night – stars – Guide our feet along many winding trails. I encounter strangers there. “Where is your home?”, they ask? “Let me take you there.” And I reply, “No. It’s gone forever. Good-bye, Friends, far and wide. Good-Bye.”
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Saturday night. No sound but the inhales and exhales of sleeping hounds. Tomorrow I must get up. It is what is expected of me.
Lasts week I lingered long at the ledge….. An instrument of harm in my hand…… Though the bleeding was only in my mind…… the pain lacerated through.
Here one minute gone the next…… You inhale love exhale hate like yoga…… To the din of racing thoughts….. Someday you will let me know.
Still down but stirring. Learning to walk. Journeys beckon. I can do better than this…… Be my star that I can follow….. a reason…….. To raise my eyes unto the mountain for my comfort!