Having difficulties balancing the feelings of my several very fine and appreciated friends who are in my life, some woman, some men, who hover around me and occasionally become overly concerned, jealous of another, angry at one another and/or me. We are all stressed to the breaking point, and just want to throw in the proverbial towel. Maybe it is easier not to have friends now. A friend can give you COVID-19 at worse, or put you into a horrible depression. Trying to lower the dosages of my meds in 2019 proved to be a disaster. I lost over 10 pounds then, and another 5 pounds so far in 2020, too low a weight to have resistance to an infection if I am exposed to one.
I just learned I need to have a serious operation on my lung, but the surgeon will not operate on me until I gain a significant amount of weight. My internist informed me that my body mass is so low that if I were in Europe, I would not be allowed to model, either on a runway or a photo shoot. Personally, I like being very thin, but it figures it is another of a long line of mistakes I have made that I think that even if it is nobody’s business but my own, clinically speaking, it is a mistake. I hate it when people bully me, even medical data, but these are the orders of a world class thoracic surgeon and I do not argue with doctors. Send good thoughts my way. I have a young Silken in my life, “Kensie”, at home now who loves me, and I cannot get sick or die because she needs me. I am also loved by a wonderful gentleman who I want to be with always, so that, too, inspires to me to get healthy.