I awoke and found myself in a great deal of pain today. It seems there is only one thing that can take me down low, all the way that is. If there was a way I could think of to do it myself, I actually would. But I would make such a mess of it by failing. I fail at living; I would fail at dying. So life holds me here. I fell in love with the wrong person who was a bad person again. All this does is take me down low to a where I feel as if I can never get up again. He rejected me 100% for love, but desired me 100% for sex. I consider this ludicrous. because I am a 72 year old woman, way past my sexual prime. I only wanted his love since I have had none for many years. I lavished it on him but he never noticed it. How does that happen? Maybe tomorrow, if there is a tomorrow, will be a better day.
I am smart enough to know I have so much to be grateful for in my life and to count my blessings.
I have had the most beautiful and loving dogs that gave me magical joy, I have survived cancer twice, I live in a beautiful home in a beautiful town, and have many wonderful friends, especially among borzoi breeders and related dog breeds and my church.
Yet I can wipe all of that out in a nanosecond with a betrayal by a friend whom I thought had just a speck of a flame hidden away in a corner of their heart for me and was forced to come clean after many conversations and admit it that they do not. It wipes out my whole world and it suddenly becomes a dark and lonely place and makes me long for my death and even ask God, Where are you?
All I have is Kensie at the end of the day. Maybe tomorrow’s dawn will keep us safe.
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48Richard Terry, Ksenia Galantzan and 46 others