Today is January 1, 2018, a new year at Blyss Kennels. I am left here with Jelly. I cannot be happier about that. Jelly is as perfect a borzoi as a borzoi can be. She is calm, relaxed and happy. She gives me no cause for stress or concern, unlike several other borzoi I have owned, including Tresor. But Tresor’s loss only stands to remind me how lonely I truly am. That even the dogs leave. I see myself more realistically now. I am not going to meet someone at the supermarket, church, or online. Perhaps I am not approachable or lovable, or I come across as a person that prefers their own company. Actually, considering those whom I have met, male and female, I actually do prefer my own company. Therefore, I am a solitary human except for the company of my borzois which I actually prefer.
I do, however, enjoy the company of my dog club friends, especially those in the borzoi breed. I enjoy the club work and comradery. With that in mind, I am determined to attend the Borzoi National Specialty Show in May, all the way in Seattle, WA. I plan to be away for the entire week That is something huge for me to look forward to.
To help pay my many expenses, many unforeseen, I have found a part-time job working at a large, local department store in the next town from where I live. It has not been “easy”, and it has taken me a while to learn the job, but I seem to have survived the initial three month training and probation period, and I am on my way to being a permanent employee. Although I thought the money would help, I spent it all in one day at the vet, Tuesday December 12, 2017. That was the fateful day that Tresor was diagnosed with an abdominal hematoma and was euthanized while Jelly was there for a senior check-up. I have large balances on two credit cards and a home equity line of credit. Although their amounts are trivial compared to my overall net worth, I am supposed to be able to live on the interest from my principal, and I would like to see these expenses reduced. However, home ownership in the NY Metropolitan Area, and multiple dog ownership with borzoi covering fifteen years has made for large bills. My income from the interest has been insufficient. It is sad that regarding money, no matter how much I have, it never seems to be enough. My dreams for a Superman to step into my life during the last six years since Bob died have not come to fruition. On the contrary…… The only men I have met have been men who wanted to take and given nothing in return but their rage and emotional abuse. Sadly, I even prefer that to being alone. It is they who walk away, not me.
So, it does not help that Tresor is gone…… I have to be strong……. It is what it is….. There is no one to help me……. I have to do this alone….. Without his extraordinary love and beauty, I will be more alone than ever…….. Sometimes I wonder……why go on?
So it is a good thing that Jelly is here. I put that up on Facebook yesterday. It is just Jelly and me now, and that is a good thing. I am so grateful to her breeder, N24, for letting me have her three years ago. Even though my ex boyfriend, the only one that ever mattered but is gone now, built the dog door for her, I am grateful to them both for making this wonderful gift happen for me. We are together, and it is a success. Jelly and me.