Lorene

In spite of predictions for cold weather with gusty winds today, they never materialized so I took Kensie out to Watchung Reservation in Mountainside, NJ, USA, where I live, for an afternoon hike, as shown in the picture below. There are a variety of landscapes in the Reservation, from manicured fields, playgrounds for children, gardens and hiking trails. Kenzie and I were walking in the area with fields and gardens. We were in a formal garden consisting of shrubbery laid out in formal rows that has been there since I was a child, so the shrubs are very mature and woody. We were walking along one of these rows when suddenly I saw at my height an intact bird nest! Seeing it filled me with joy. It had survived the winter, and who knows, could have survived more than one. Growing up here, I used to find bird nests all the time. It is always nice to see something that brings back a happy childhood memory so unexpectedly when finding a bird nest was a big event in the day of a child and then coming upon it so unexpectedly in the present it brings the back the feeling of childhood joy again, so alive!

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Lorene Connolly

51m  · 

I have found myself hiking again in the Watchung Reservation, a large county park near my home in Mountainside, New Jersey, USA, having recently bored with the walking paths and wishing to see the sights I had not visited for perhaps ten years. I will say the county responsible for maintaining the park has done a great deal to improve the major trails themselves in that they are deep with dark gravel stones, almost paved. One of the jewels of the park is the hidden lake, and Kensey and I hiked the trail down to it today. Previously, I recounted walking with Kensey among a formal garden of shrubbery where I found an abandoned bird’s nest. I failed to mention many tiny leaf buds were beginning to appear and they were very obvious to me because I was so close to them. As I walked today, I noticed the trail leading down to the lake was lined with an abundance of these shrubs, only in just a few days, the leaf buds were in far greater abundance, indicating how quickly spring was arriving. Although it was a cool and overcast day, looking back over the trail, it appeared to be lined with a veil of green. I was able to capture the moment with a picture. It may not look the same tomorrow as landscape scenes are ephemeral. By the sight of the trees hovering above, however, winter still has not released its grip.

I awoke and found myself in a great deal of pain today. It seems there is only one thing that can take me down low, all the way that is. If there was a way I could think of to do it myself, I actually would. But I would make such a mess of it by failing. I fail at living; I would fail at dying. So life holds me here. I fell in love with the wrong person who was a bad person again. All this does is take me down low to a where I feel as if I can never get up again. He rejected me 100% for love, but desired me 100% for sex. I consider this ludicrous. because I am a 72 year old woman, way past my sexual prime. I only wanted his love since I have had none for many years. I lavished it on him but he never noticed it. How does that happen? Maybe tomorrow, if there is a tomorrow, will be a better day.

I am smart enough to know I have so much to be grateful for in my life and to count my blessings.

I have had the most beautiful and loving dogs that gave me magical joy, I have survived cancer twice, I live in a beautiful home in a beautiful town, and have many wonderful friends, especially among borzoi breeders and related dog breeds and my church.

Yet I can wipe all of that out in a nanosecond with a betrayal by a friend whom I thought had just a speck of a flame hidden away in a corner of their heart for me and was forced to come clean after many conversations and admit it that they do not. It wipes out my whole world and it suddenly becomes a dark and lonely place and makes me long for my death and even ask God, Where are you?

All I have is Kensie at the end of the day. Maybe tomorrow’s dawn will keep us safe.

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48Richard Terry, Ksenia Galantzan and 46 others