He is nowhere to be found except in my visions, and then he is everywhere. His toys and dog beds still litter the floors, his kibble holder remains, as do his leash and collar. When I walk into a room, I expect to see you there, and in a way I do, in a surreal vision of memory that cannot let go. My Tre: if only we could have been together just a bit longer; if you could have made it to ten years. I feel cheated that you left too soon……but whenever it would have been, it never would have been long enough.
Your Beloved littermate, Magnus, left in August, to great shock and grief. I should be grateful for the extra months of time. But now, I am left to grieve in the deepest darkest days of winter, as I go through the motions of being a good dog Mom to Jelly. She has a way of keeping my focus on her, like that is her job now. Her great depth and breadth of beauty, so unlike yours, distracts me. It’s like, why did I never notice it before? It was because yours was like a light that blinds all others, and all I could see was you.
She even tries to mimic your recently found naughty ways. You did not approve of my new part time evening job in a nearby department store. So you started to counter surf and raid the garbage for the very first time in your life. Now, to my shock and horror, Jelly has begun to do it too. Where you ate my bag of Balthazar bakery croissants, she ate my favorite peanut butter cookie from Quick Check and stole one of the daily pill holders from my weekly pill tray. Was this a suicide attempt, I wonder? Like you, she wants me home with her more. I know I am being judged, and I do not get any more of a passing grade from her as I did from you. In the end, I let you down and so you perished. Will Jelly?
Friends are avoiding me, waiting for me to call them first to talk. I guess I am not on peoples’ luncheon lists anymore. I hear there is gossip about when I plan to put away the dog beds (notice the plural), as if there were so many. I want to leave your bed and personal items in place forever. After all, this was your home. I have no friends anymore, I accepted that years ago. That’s why You, my Darling Boy, were so precious. Better than human, you held me in your highest esteem of love and I dwelled in a paradise of that divine gift where no person could hurt me again. I had you then …..My Life Treasure…… My Tresor! Farewell, CD Blyss O’Majenkir Heavenly Treasure!
Portrait by Maxine Bochnia, Fandogs.