Resistance

The beginnings of resistance behaviors for me began in my home during childhood. It made my life very difficult, and I could see the same problem presented itself to my brother and sister growing up . My parents came to marriage and parenthood highly unskilled, with bad or no role models, and low self-esteem. I, being the eldest and seemingly the most intelligent, had am almost clairvoyant insight into their problems which caused me to have anxiety, of which I was aware at a very young age, and only grew stronger as I grew up. It seems they, too, had parents highly unskilled as parents and riddled with anxiety and they projected these characteristic onto them. I saw a cycle in development, like a wheel with sharp spikes, and it was headed right toward me, as a dangerous object in my father’s hand, that he was willing to throw at me intending to do harm.

So yes, at an early age, I began to practice resistance to my parents’ policies which were unable to be obeyed because you could never be good enough. I became good at this and applied it throughout my life in relationships, at school, and in my career. I learned how to perform resistance strategies as a defense mechanism to mitigate the damage that would come my way, to the frustration of my tormentors. This is really all I want to say about this. I think eventually all people encounter some monster or another that seeks to do them harm. You can either become mortally wounded by it, or you can become very creative at developing resistances that dovetails with the tormentor wishing you harm and always staying one step ahead.