I am thinking of being alone today and wondering why that is so hard for me. I think of that song, “The World I Know” and listen to it on YouTube.
The October chill has returned, and with it rain. The furnace that had been off for so long turned itself back on. Where are you, ———– ? Well, I hope you are happy with the outcome you created. You proved “everybody told me so” was right. I made a mess of things again.
There are qualities that I look for in a man: physically and emotionally/psychologically. Like, it’s hard to put into words, but I call it a spiritual understanding; “a connection”; not always having to say a word but knowing what the other is thinking and/or feeling or would say if they spoke. Or, someone who can really quiet my mind of its racing thoughts; make me feel quieted; relaxed. That would be a really great quality, too. Or best of all, someone who can make me forget what I know is my inexorable destiny that in the end, I am truly alone. I wonder if encountering a special man who can overcome destiny itself and have to create a miracle to reach me will ever happen to me again during the remaining time I have left to my life. I am sure you wonder about that, too. If not, the ending is an ugly picture best left undescribed.
On Monday, I am traveling to Jelly’s breeder’s, N24’s home, in NY State, for a breed club meeting for the NY club. The people that I know from that club will be there and I am looking forward to that. It is also N24’s birthday on Tuesday. I found an especially perfect gift for her over the summer. It is a set of brown pot holders with a beautiful and ornate outline of a borzoi embroidered in gold threads. I will only be there one night. Then, back to home to Blyss Kennels, Mountainside.