Blyss Winter Challenges and Musings
When you become as seriously ill as I have been you must laugh at yourself and give yourself up to God, or the universe, or whatever belief system you have pre-tested for cosmic serenity. It takes endurance to tolerate a therapy for the treatment of a toxic illness, keeping in mind and telling yourself it will make you well. When the most you can do is sit in bed and watch movies all day, when you finally awake from your malaise, you see yourself and your place in the world differently.
The first time that happened was when I had to suddenly stopped working in May 2008. I realized that I was dying, that I was staring death in the face. Today, looking back, although the treatment might have been medical “overkill” to improve the likelihood that my condition did not return in the future, I see the visage of death hovering over me again. Although I knew I had to be very strong to not let it carry me away, I prayed: “Let Thy will be done!”, passively letting Him have his way with me, as I allowed Him to take Opal away. Buy no, I was betrayed! I realized too late we do not always hold the leash. She was gone but I remained and remain still to this day as I now pray: May we meet again, Dearest Little One!
I am supposed to be positive now that I am in treatment. But the winter air is heavy with crystals imparting a frigidity throughout the atmosphere. It reminds me every day of its power to cause suffering to the frail. My body is too frail now to tolerate these winds. Yet amidst its roar I hear the little chirps that are harbingers of spring and see the tiny sprouts of crocuses. Every day of winter brings me one day closer to the days of spring and the termination of my treatments. I know I changed after 2008, slow as that change may have been to accomplish, and it was huge. I believe I will be a changed woman again at the termination of this winter, 2014. Who I will be then remains a mystery. My journey into the unknown rambles forward along unfamiliar trails beneath the canopy of the interlocking web of leaves that has sheltered me in the past. I may have fallen twice but I believe I will enter the dimension of ancient places and stand upright again.