Suburban Landscapes

Today I found myself driving to several different places.  I have appointments now and several places to be during the day.  Some are mandatory, and others are by my choice.  Both are equally important to my well-being.

I am enduring the last of the treatments for my illness, treatments that should increase the statistical likelihood that I shall remain healthy or not have a recurrence.  I feel brave about it and am handling it rather stoically.  I drive myself to a out-patient type of hospital every day, for what should be 23  consecutive business day, really cutting into my day.  Then there are other ongoing appointments on my calendar, such as my therapists, the acupuncturist, and my dance coaching master-class.  I feel as if I live in my car by my calendar.  While at home, I am attending to Paris.

The remainder of the time, I clear my mind and try to focus on the beauty of nature around me, for which I am so grateful.  There is so much of that.  It is currently spring and summer arrives tomorrow!  I am so pleased, and nothing could please me more.    The last winter was severe, and I almost believed I would move south.  But no.  I love seeing the variations in the foliage, its richness and abundances, in trees and plants.  During the last few weeks the air abounded with the heavy scent of perfumed blossoms that were everywhere.  There are also many areas around me rich in wild flowers, not to mention weeds.  I suppose where there is one there is the other, but still, I am grateful for the wildflowers!  I recently took a hike in Watchung Reservation by myself and expect to do more of that sort of thing.  My eyes are always looking for something interesting to look at.

I have reconnected to one friend, an older woman who lives in town, of whom I had once upon a time been deeply fond but from whom I had a terrible falling out and had been estranged for about 15 years.  I accidentally learned she was in a nursing home, as she is nearly 90 years of age and nearly somewhat alone in the world.  I decided the incident that lead to our estrangement no longer had validity so I went to visit her.  It was a teary eyed reconciliation, and she felt honored and overwhelmed with joy that I would come to see her.  I felt joy about the reconciliation, too.  How strange life is.  Then, today, driving home from the medical facility and on my way to the nursing home to visit my friend, I got a phone call from another formerly close girl-friend from whom I had been estranged.  She decided she missed me and our friendship so she called me asking if we could be reconciled!  I felt I had received a grand bounty from God for who else could have given me so great a gift as not one but the reconciliation with two dear friends who had strayed away?

Life can be this way, so difficult and cruel in one way, yet so blessed and joyful in others.  I believe one must take life as it comes, ride out the bad and give thanks for the good.  It is always wrong to look back in despair because it is always negatively skewed and will make you that way.  If anything, try to put the negativity out of your mind and look to the present and the future.  I realize how difficult this can be.  Perhaps through prayer or meditation, or immersion in a great love, such as dogs or horses, one can work through the demons that are set on destroying you.  My borzoi saved me but I am still pulled back into the regions of pain and destruction.  Trying to escape the ravages of my family of origin and avoid the members themselves still living are my current life’s work, every day.